Thanks to Brian LeBlanc, DAA Leadership Board member, for sharing this.
(originally posted 1/19/2016 on http://abitofbriansbrilliance.com/)
One of the things that makes me angry about having Alzheimer’s Disease are people that DO NOT WANT TO UNDERSTAND that I, and people like me, still know what’s going on around them and can still carry on an intelligent conversation. Sure, the words may not flow as evenly and smoothly as they did before, the mind may not allow us to remember the conversation an hour or a day or a week from now, but we still enjoy being in the moment.
Before my diagnosis, I had friends . . . lots of friends, or so I thought. These people who I thought were friends kept in contact with me, returned a phone call whether or not I left a message, would interact me with through Social Media or in person. Where in the hell are these people now? I have no idea. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not mad that these people don’t talk to me anymore, I am mad for the reason they don’t talk to me anymore. There’s a difference, and in addition, I feel sorry for them.
People that don’t understand something or have misconceptions of something tend to make their own decisions about that something. It’s called STIGMATIZATION!
(WOW, the Alzheimer’s Guy knows a big word and can use it properly in a sentence. Imagine that?)
Here are a couple of examples of stigma:
– A diagnosis may test friendships. Friends may refuse to believe your diagnosis or withdraw from your life, leaving a feeling of abandonment or isolation.
The first part of this I believe to be true.
The 2nd part about isolation and abandonment is not. My wife and kids, as well as the friends that have stuck with me, and some family members, have not allowed me to feel abandoned and/or isolated. I am thankful for their continued presence in my life.
I can’t say the same for others.
– Relationships with family (and friends) may change. Family members (and friends) may not want to talk about the disease, perceive you as having little or no quality of life, or may avoid interacting with you.
This is the biggest issue. I really feel that most of my friends just don’t know how to deal with my disease, or just don’t want to deal with me having the disease, so they just don’t deal with me at all.
This was one of the main reasons I created a Facebook page. I still post “some Alzheimer’s related things” on my profile but my Facebook page is strictly for Alzheimer’s related information. Due to lack of engagement on my Facebook profile, I felt people would rather read about family and funny things instead of the reality of Alzheimer’s.
In case you’re interested, my page is: My Alzheimer’s Journey
All of this is glaringly evident to me since I no longer work and since I no longer drive. It’s not like I stay at home and do nothing. I spend a lot of my time researching and Advocating for Alzheimer’s. For me, my Advocacy has turned out to be the best job I have ever had without getting paid and has introduced me to some pretty wonderful people, both with and without Alzheimer’s.
You see, I’ve learned to overcome the Alzheimer’s Stigma. It took me a little while and because I still retain my long-term memories, I still miss the friends I “used to have” but it hasn’t stopped me from living. I’m still active on Social Media, I still make phone calls and leave messages, I still wait for the phone to ring from the people that say they will call me back.
Does the fact that my phone goes days without ringing make me feel sorry for myself? No!
Does it piss me off? Sometimes, but all I can say to that is, it’s their loss.
My life is simple now. It’s not what I envisioned my retirement to be but just the same, it’s simple. I live with 3 amazing people who love me and take care of me, and I have my little furry friend who is always by my side. He’s also an excellent listener.
I know the world would be a much better place in which to live if there were no racism, no inequality in the workplace, no unnecessary violence, and if we could all gather as a world and join hands every once in awhile and sing Kum-Ba-Yah.
Until that happens, just do me favor . . . just because someone, a friend or not, has a disease, do not abandon or isolate that person. There is a great chance if the tables were turned, that person would stick by your side.